Sunday, January 19, 2014


Thanks Karen. I tried to send you a personal message but it doesn't seem to have worked. I've really let myself down.

Emotionally I have become a screaming mess .... but only some of the time. That has resulted in some shocking eating. I now weigh the same as this time last year. Not good.

We arrived in Christchurch Wednesday night. We are staying with our youngest son and his wife. Thursday we got some groceries and other essentials we hadn't packed. This time we are travelling light with only cabin luggage to see us through the 3 weeks we are here. Friday visited with our son's in-laws and had takeaway, chicken and chips, for dinner. I haven't eaten anything thing like that for ..... cannot remember.

Today is Monday here. Saturday was spent prison visiting. It was also very cold with an icy south wind. I looked at what I am doing and began to work out a food plan. Yesterday morning our son went fishing and invited his father. For some reason they didn't include me and left me home alone. Ordinarily that's good but in my fragile emotional state it turned into a pity party and an eating fest that included icecream and bread Yikes!!!!! I'm still kind of annoyed that they were so thoughtless.

Weather wise we are having crazy stuff. Saturday was so cold I had to haul out all my layers of clothes and only just stayed warm. It was cold enough to light the fire but no-one could be bothered with getting wood. Yesterday was so hot I couldn't bear to move and now today is cold again. It's my guess that day time temps have range from 50'F to 90+ Since my comfort zone is very narrow, 60 - 75'F I'm not exactly happy. Cold is better than hot. Here, in Christchurch, New Zealand, hot and cold and in between come with wind.

Today's high is supposed to be 17'C/63'F with some wind chill. I'll probably stay inside today although getting out would be good for me but the wind upsets my eyes and then I have another cause to feel miserable. I can see more reading. I haven't done a lot of light reading for a long time so this is catch-up.

I've not begun my day so will make a determined attempt to get onto the plan I was working out.

Monday, January 13, 2014


Hi I thought I'd better add another post as I didn't want my last one to sit there for too long.

I am sorting out myself. We leave for three weeks in Christchurch tomorrow night.

I'm Okay but spending too much time reading light books. Still in semi-escape mode.

I have been reading my Bible and had a little quality spiritual time too and that has helped a lot. I mostly use Gateway Audio Bible. It's easier on my eyes.

I'll probably take a month long break from all things to do with blogging and weight loss. Don't be surprised if you hear nothing until this time next month ..... Then again who knows Smile

Saturday, January 4, 2014


I guess this happens to most of us sooner or later. Stuff happens and we no longer cope well.

Once upon a time I was delighting in wheat-free happiness. During all of that period I never doubted there would come a day when that was not enough.

I've been wheat free. except for some very minor slips, for two full years. Most of the time I've been low carb and that means grain free too. Some of the time I've even been in nutritional ketosis and eating LCHF.

There are some things about our life which have led me to despair and caused loss of hope. I know this is a lie which has attached itself to my heart. Hope is eternal and to fall into despair is a dark pit. I know that being in nutritional ketosis goes a long way toward keeping the mind healthy but what about the soul or spirit?

I don't want to dwell but I must be honest. I am craving food. Any kind will do but if it has coffee or chocolate, if it is sweet or savoury, salty or fatty, meaty or nutty, and even high in carbohydrates it will do. Sadly many things on the LCHF and Paleo Template approved list fall into danger foods for me right now.

What did I do that was so bad? Two nights ago I was upset and unable to sleep. John was sleeping soundly. Finally I got out of bed, made myself a sachet of Nestlé cappuccino, grabbed an unopened packet of crispy rice crackers and a 1/4 of a packet of Philadelphia cream cheese. Sadly none of it was fully satisfying and I probably slept less than 3 hours. It's not so much that I deliberately set out to plug a hole that is upsetting me. It's that the hole is there and I don't seem to be able to plug it. This has been going on for several months now.

LCHF cannot and will not fill a deep emotional hole. As far as food is concerned, during this period, all I can do is grit my teeth and be disciplined to the best of my ability. The days I fail I can tell myself, "This will not last forever."

I have a book called Elegant Choices. It's one of those books I've never been able to read in it's entirety but it explained what an elegant choice is. It might be as simple as picking a flower and setting it in an attractive vase or it might be making a determined effort to get dressed in clothes that help me feel good before 10 am, or going to bed at a reasonable hour in a pretty nightie. Elegant choices are great antidote for depression and pulling yourself out of a funk. But it takes more than physical choices.

I do believe that the most important thing is getting in touch with God and for me the heavens have been mighty brassy for years. Currently I'm reading a book about wilderness times and recovery from them. The book is "From Faking It To Finding Grace" by Connie Cavanaugh. Maybe I'm finding answers that will change my life.

I apologise to anyone who has looked to me for encouragement or inspiration and found it shallow or irritating. The truth is I am so deeply wounded and sometimes lost that I take a risk everytime I make a comment.

The other side of this coin is that I do have faith in God and His ability to see me through.

Today .... I am simply living the day. Tomorrow has not come. Yesterday and the day before are past , dead wood.

This journal was not intended to go into my personal and spiritual life but if I am to have any integrity at all I must be honest. I am going through some kind of emotional, mental, spiritual crisis which never seems to end and it's having a huge impact on my ability to eat, sleep and exercise in a healthy way.

Hopefully I will find my way through this confusing labyrinth very soon.

More coffee anyoneSmile

Thursday, January 2, 2014


Going backwards fast. Hope I can stop the trend today.

Weight slightly up again, ketones down to 0.4

I was hungry and I also lost the plot and became over emotional.... Hangry!

I have been eating 2-3 meals per day with some snacks. i might need to eat a little more often.

The goal is to just keep going. Tortoises do finish the race even if they seem to take a lot longer Smile

I've begun using the cross-trainer again. Hawaiian music is doing it for me.

Wednesday, January 1, 2014



I've just listened to an interview which Jimmy Moore recommended today. Here it is

I am inspired to continue with a ketogenic diet. It sounds as though it is the healthiest way for me to eat. But the blood tests have now become too expensive for me. I have urine strips and although they are not considered as accurate they worked in the past so I'll be using them daily from now on.

I'm also looking more carefully at the balance between carbs, protein and fats. I think I've mentioned that I can eat aLOT of FAT, probably much more than is healthy for me.

I'm going to take another look at Lean For Life which came out of Lindora Clinic quite a few years ago now. It's low fat and low carb which I never bought into but ...... As long as I kept to my tweak on the program I lost weight. I ate more or less the quantity of protein and carbs recommended. I kept pretty much to the foods recommended but I always used full fat dairy and never trimmed fat from my steak. I also followed the recommendation to walk 1000 steps per day. 

Now that I understand more about ketogenic diets and how they work and all the benefits from curing cancer to better brain function I want to continue with this style of eating.

From today I think I will change my headings to reflect what I am doing. 

I am thinking that this will evolve over the next couple of weeks into my forever pattern.

I am pleased that yesterday's eating did not incur a huge weight gain as so often happens after a fast. I did gain 300gm with is a little more than 1 pound. I was hungry and ate more than planned.

Keto coconut coffee; omelet with herbs and cheese; salad with boiled egg and cream cheese; pork belly with small potato, broccoli and carrot; 2 prunes, 1 fig, 10 almonds, many thick slices of cucumber with peanut butter.

The neat thing for me is that I seem to be coming out of a funk which has affected me for many weeks. I slept about 5.5 hours, only waking once and reading for a short time before feeling sleepy again. This is probably the best night I've had in at least 3 weeks.

It feels good, as though I am coming to my senses. I learned a lot last year even if I didn't lose much weight. Now I can put into practice what I learned.

Here's to the next few weeks to see how this goes Hopefully it will be SmileSmileSmile all the way.